The bell appeared late one Saturday morning, while he was pressing pomade into his perfectly proportioned pouf.
The call came about five minutes later, interrupting his frantic tugging as he attempted to remove the damn thing.
“Uh, hey, Angel. You wouldn’t have, um, noticed, any… um… anything strange? W-would you?”
“What do you mean, Willow?” Angel asked, his voice threatening.
“I-I-I just, uh….” she paused for a moment, then a single word came across the line in an almost unintelligible squeak, “bell!”
“Willow! Are you responsible for this thing on my neck?! It won’t come off!”
“It was an accident, I’m so sorry! We’ll start looking for a way to fix it right away. Since you weren’t here when it happened you shouldn’t need to be here to fix it. Just stay where you are and keep doing your whole helping the helpless thing.”
“I’m not going to just sit by and do nothing! I’ll be there tonight.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Angel. Please just stay there,” Willow said quickly, imploring.
“Willow--”
“Buffy told you to stay out of Sunnydale!”
“I went back after her mother’s funeral and she didn’t complain.”
“And then you left again. Look, I have reason to believe she doesn’t want you here, so just please, listen to me, and stay in LA.”
She hung up on him!
That settled it-- he’d wait in the car in the garage until sundown. He wanted to leave for Sunnydale as soon as possible.
~
Angel barged into the Magic Box an hour after sundown and was met with the sight of his worst nightmare.
The Scoobies were sitting around the table, laughing. At first nothing would seem to be amiss-- but then his eyes landed on Buffy, his soulmate, sitting on Spike’s lap. Cuddling against him.
Why was no one stopping this?!
“What the hell is going on here?” He demanded.
“Sorry, what was that, Gramps? I couldn’t hear you over that annoying ringing,” Spike snarked, smirking as his grandsire lunged towards him and was met with Buffy’s fist in his face.
Angel looked up at her from where he landed on the floor.
“I told you to stay out of Sunnydale, Angel. I know Willow told you we had this under control. You don’t get to just show up out of nowhere and attack someone. Does ‘stay out of my city,’” she choked back laughter, “ring a bell?”
Now she was making fun of him?!
“Buffy, this is Spike we’re talking about! Did the spell that gave me this stupid bell also scramble your brain or something?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no! Spike and I have been together for the last couple of months now, and I’m happy. End of story.”
“And you’re all just fine with this?” Angel demanded, looking at the rest of the group.
“Look, I’m the last one I thought would be defending him, but Peroxide’s alright once you give him a chance. And Buffy’s finally happy again.” Xander replied.
“I’ve always sort of liked Spike,” Tara said shyly. “He helped me when my family showed up.”
Angel looked at Willow expectantly, but she nodded in agreement with her girlfriend. Instead, he turned to the watcher.
“Giles?!”
“Angel, you haven’t been around to see what Buffy’s been through. After she was… brought back,” he fidgeted uncomfortably before continuing, “things were incredibly hard for her. I’ve been told Spike helped with that, and I can say that she’s happier than I’ve seen her in a very long time. If you love her, you won’t attempt to do anything to change that.”
Angel stomped his foot in annoyance, causing his bell to jingle. None of the group attempted to hide their giggles.
“Fine,” he growled, “how about instead you tell me what the hell did you do to give me this bell? And how do I get rid of it?”
“I… uh…” Angel turned his glare directly on a stammering Willow, who cringed away.
“I’m sorry! I was practicing a form of the will-be-done spell that would fulfill a single objective, but the problem is it requires very extreme concentration. Well, I happened to overhear Buffy telling Spike about her idea to get you a bell to keep you from disappearing all the time earlier, and it happened to drift into my head as I was casting the spell. It must have taken that side thought as my intention and willed you a bell collar.”
“So you must know how to fix it, right?” Angel growled.
“About that… I thought I knew how to reverse it, but for some reason the normal way isn’t working this time. Probably because my mind wasn’t focused enough to get a pure intention. We’re researching though, and we’ll get it reversed as soon as possible.”
“Right, what she said. Why don’t you go back to LA now?” Buffy said as she made herself comfortable in Spike’s lap once again.
“Are you serious right now?”
“Very. Listen to the Slayer and toddle off now. Ta ta,” Spike dismissed.
“I’ll get a hotel and be back tomorrow.” Angel said before turning around and storming out.
Or, he tried to, but the effect was ruined by the loud jingling around his neck.
He growled when he heard the giggles behind him, but he refused to look back. Instead he grabbed the bell, muffling the sound, and finished his dramatic exit.
~
Before he was halfway from his car to the door of the Magic Box the next evening, he heard Buffy’s voice from inside.
“He’s coming, shut up!”
Angel fumed. They’d stolen his thing! He was mysterious, he appeared and disappeared-- it was cool! And they just stole it!
“Heeeeere, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches!” Spike called as the collared man crossed the threshold.
And Buffy! She smacked his arm half-heartedly, but he could tell she was trying not to laugh!
This spell had to have affected her too-- her, and Willow, and-- and-- everyone!
“Have you found anything yet?” His voice made it clear he was barely holding it together.
“Nothing yet, and Spike and I are about to call it quits for the night. The others will probably head home soon too. We’ll be back at it again bright and early though, promise!”
“Buffy, you can’t seriously not be putting your all into helping me? What’s so important that you need to leave early?! I understand needing to sleep, but it’s not even 8--”
“For your information,” she interrupted him, voice dripping with venom, “Spike and I have plans tonight, and we decided to go ahead with them. The gang is perfectly capable of researching without us, and we deserve our night off.”
She turned to the group at the table and smiled brightly. When she spoke, every trace of malice had disappeared and she was bright, sunny Buffy again.
“We’ll probably be heading off, then. Dawnie, be good for Tara and Willow, please?” She focused her attention on the two witches. “Thanks for taking her, guys.”
“It’s not a problem, we like having her once a week!” Willow enthused, and Tara nodded emphatically.
“You guys can’t seriously be fine with this?!” Angel objected, butting in.
“Angel, Buffy and Spike both deserve to be happy, and they are. Happier than I’ve ever seen either of them.” Dawnie sounded like such a grown-up.
“But this is Spike we’re talking about!” He managed to lace his voice with condescension.
“He’s changed!” Tara spoke up, her voice stronger than Angel had ever heard it.
“You’re kidding me, right? He’s soulless! He’s playing you!”
“He saved Buffy and Dawn from that portal, very much at the risk of his own life!” Willow refuted.
“Okay, so he was trying to get into her pants first. And what do you know? It worked!”
At that, Buffy stepped forward and slapped him across the face.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t have the right to judge me. God, when you showed up here I just wanted to make peace about the fact that we’ve moved on like two grown adults, but sometimes you make me wish you’d stayed in hell, Angelus.” She turned from him, her voice softening as she looked at Spike. “Let’s go, Spike.”
With that, they exited, leaving a stunned Angel and several smug scoobies in their wake.
~
“That was savage, Slayer. Ripping the man’s heart out would have been more kind.”
Spike’s words might have sounded like disapproval, but his tone of voice gave away his glee.
“You’re eating this up, aren’t you?”
“You try being tortured by the man for 20 years, constantly told you don’t measure up to him, and watching the woman you love pine away after him for a century, and see if you don’t enjoy watching his ex rip him to shreds because she’s in love with you now.”
“You know you’re always going to come first, right?”
“It helps when you say it. I always want to believe it, I swear, but after everything…”
“I know. But I love you, and we’re making it through this. Together. You get the free show, I get the emotional evisceration.”
“Buffy--”
“No, that sounded so angry and I swear I’m not. Sometimes the words come out and they sound nice in my head but once they’re out here in the world they don’t match what I actually wanted to say.”
“What did you want to say, then?”
“I don’t know, exactly. That, yes, I’m being torn apart by this, but it’s because I’m seeing reality for the first time. That it actually does make me thrilled to rub his face in all of this because of the things he’s done to you, but I have to pretend to be the adult because I’m the slayer. That I don’t really care about not hurting him anymore, because he has to get over us, which makes me honestly just want to talk about nothing but how amazing our sex life is in front of him.”
Spike laughed and pulled her against his chest. “Bloody love you, woman. Means a lot.”
“Hey, I’m just telling the truth here.”
“I know, that’s what makes it so wonderful. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more, Buffy. Nothing in this world could take me away from you.”
She kissed him softly before grabbing his hand and squeezing.
“Let’s go get ready for our date!” she said with glee, dragging him along towards their home on Revello.
~
The next day, Buffy and Spike had shown up to the Magic Box with wide smiles despite the bags under their eyes.
After several hours of research, Xander glanced at the clock. “Almost sundown.”
The whole group exchanged annoyed eye-rolls. There would be no escaping the wrath of Sir Broodypants without answers, and they still had none.
And, indeed, not ten minutes passed before Angel stormed in.
“Please tell me you’ve figured something out.”
“Sorry, Angel. But we’re still looking!” Willow said, raising her tone of voice hopefully at the end.
“Seriously? What the hell kind of witch are you? You restored my soul, brought Buffy back from the dead, not to mention GAVE me this damn bell, but for some reason you can’t make it go away?”
Buffy stood up and stepped towards Angel.
“Back off Willow. Now.”
Her voice left no room for arguments...
Angel tried anyway.
“And you! You’ve lost it! What the hell is wrong with you, Buffy?!” Angel demanded, but saw right away it was the wrong move.
Buffy’s eyes hardened further into an intense glare.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Angelus. I’m happy for the first time in a long time. I think a century of brooding has gotten you mixed up about the fact that happiness isn’t a goddamn sin.”
“He’s evil--”
“Bullshit. He’s been on our side for years.”
“He doesn’t have a soul--”
“Oh yes, and you’re saying soulless you wouldn’t have ripped my throat out the first chance you got?” She asked, raising one eyebrow in a very Spike-like gesture.
“He’s just biding his time--”
“For what? Even if he didn’t love me-- which he does-- he’s got a hell of a sweet deal going here. Hot-blooded bombshell with super powers ready and willing to keep up with his vamp stamina. Said bombshell has been told she gives good head, too.”
She winked at Spike, who leered at her, then whipped back around to face Angel.
“Not to mention slayer blood on tap, so again I say, how stupid would he have to be to kill me and give this up?”
“You let him feed from you?!” Angel roared and took a step, but the motion set the bell off again and Buffy cracked up.
Her humor just enraged him further, and when his hand stilled the bell and he resumed his trajectory towards Spike, all humor was instantly lost.
She stepped in front of her boyfriend and delivered a hard punch in the nose to her ex.
“Spike and I have talked about mating, Angel. Yeah, he’s fed from me, it’s perfectly consensual. Don’t get me wrong, I have zero reason to defend myself and my decisions to you, but rubbing it in your face is just a little payback for the hell you put the man I love through.” She sighed heavily. “You need to leave. Go back to your hotel and stay there. Someone will call you tomorrow at sunset and let you know if you should come down. What’s your room number?”
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Contrary to your belief, I’m not a child, I can make a decision for myself. Especially the decision of who to love. I’m only asking this one more time before I wipe the floor with you: Room. Number?”
“207, Sunnydale Inn.”
Angel rose from where he’d landed on the floor, glowering at the other occupants of the Magic Box. Then, he turned and jingled off into the night.
~
It was only an hour later when the bell disappeared, and the phone rang.
“Hey, it’s Willow. Did the reversal work?”
“Yeah, it’s gone.”
“Okay, good. You need to leave now, though. Buffy wants you back in LA tonight.”
Angel sighed. He needed a good drink and to not run into Spike, which meant going back to LA was his best option.
“I’ll check out now.”
~
Buffy showed up at the door to Willow and Tara’s apartment around noon the next day.
“Buffy, come in. What’s up?” Willow asked as she opened the door.
The blonde sighed and made her way into the room.
“Got a call from Wesley this morning.”
“Wesley, the-ex-watcher-in-LA-Wesley?”
She nodded. “Apparently he came in last night, drunk and ranting about how I’m a fang whore and Spike and I deserve each other.”
“What a poophead!”
Instead of looking outraged, Buffy was grinning at her best friend with an evil glint in her eye.
“I think he needs some more cowbell, don’t you, Wills?”
Her friend burst out laughing, before nodding mischievously and casting the altered spell. She’d managed to get it down to a simple incantation if she took the herbs every day.
“You can take that off again at any time, right?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Because I need you to remove it in… oh, 2 hours? He should be leaving now, but even speeding it should take a while to get here.”
“You want me to--”
“I don’t want to deal with him again, but I want to piss him off. If you take it off right before he pulls into town, he’s wasted a whole trip out here and turns around to go back to LA.”
“I like the way you think,” Willow replied with a wicked grin.
~
Two hours later, just as he was about to pull into Sunnydale, the monstrosity that had appeared around his neck vanished.
He hadn’t been able to imagine anything worse than the incessant jingling of the bell collar in the car, but for some reason the cow bell kept sounding a steady beat, even though it wasn’t being struck.
The mixture of relief and anger was too much, and he crushed the steering wheel in his fancy car.
“Goddamn it!”
He adjusted his grip and spotted a lot to turn around in. Within minutes he was headed back towards LA, away from insanity and back into a world where things made sense.
